


And He Was Almost Okay (Gavin/Leo)

by e_n_silvermane



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Possibly Out of Character, Self-Harm, etc - Freeform, mental issues, rarepair yall, so I thought I would post it, this has been in my folder for a long time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 17:02:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17832599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/e_n_silvermane/pseuds/e_n_silvermane
Summary: Leo has always been about distracting himself, one thing from another, on and on, without a problem. But since quitting red ice, the cravings have hit hard, and some have resurfaced. Not to worry, though, Gavin intervenes with his newly learned 'skills of being a good friend'.





	And He Was Almost Okay (Gavin/Leo)

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer here: I have never used drugs, so I don't know how to write withdrawal symptoms, and don't know the personal struggle of someone who has used drugs. Similarly, I have never self-harmed, don't feel the need to, and don't know the struggle of someone who has. Chances are I have not written either of these correctly, but damn if I didn't try.  
> Let me know how it goes.  
> FINAL WARNINGS: This work contains depictions of self-harm, anxious thoughts, and drug references. Please be safe out there, my lovelies, and don't hurt yourselves. If you feel like you need to turn to either of those things, I promise you, there is always someone you can talk to. <3

The nervous tick had started in the supermarket. Leo tried to distract himself from it. Maybe--maybe this time he could keep it together. The produce section seemed to disagree and his fingers thumped harder on the handlebar of the cart, twitching erratically.  
It began there, but he had gotten through the shopping trip just fine, and was on his way home when it worsened into a tremor in his shoulder and a constant tapping of his foot.  
'I wish I could relax—'  
No no no no no, no. No. Not now. But his addled brain chided, 'yes, now,' until his fingers itched for the bag of red ice that would usually be in his pocket. There was nothing there. Still his brain chanted:  
'Relax relax relax. You need it to relax.'  
Not now not now not now!  
But of course, thinking that didn’t help. The taxi ride lasted forever, filled with reddish-purple visions of people walking down the street with their dogs on leashes and groceries in hand. His mind clouded further, the people distorted into demonic figures who hissed at him and ate at his nerves even further--and soon he was locked in his room rocking the cravings away in the corner. Part of it was the insatiable need for the impossible high red ice always gave him, but part of it, too, was the constant hunt for something sharp, his brain always torturing him, conjuring up varying images of his body, torn and broken and devoid of life. It was the horrible way the glint of the razor caught his eye, the way the scissors seemed to stare at him until he guided their blades across his stomach. It was the way he couldn’t go into the kitchen cabinet, because the knife block was there, and he couldn’t trust himself around such easily sharp things.  
The cravings for red ice were merciless, and with them came waves of guilt, horrible berating guilt for the things he did when he was under the influence, for how he had previously given into his addiction, how his vision swam in crimson tides. It was a simple chain, an awful chain—craving led to guilt, guilt led to cuts, cuts led to sadness and anxiety, which led to craving the drug that had torn apart his life while he stood by and let it happen.  
So it was only step two, he told himself when he gave in to the shaking in his hands, the voice screaming in his mind, the guilt plaguing his every thought. It was only step two when he scrambled for the scissors in his desk drawer. It was only step two when the metal against his skin made him bleed, and it was only step two when the cuts burned from the salt in his tears.  
And then, there was a thumping on the front door.  
“Hey, Leo! You in?”  
Leo let out a string of curses that a sailor would have blushed at, threw the scissors under his bed and tucked his shirt down, trying to keep it from touching his skin while scrubbing furiously at his eyes. Gavin wasn’t supposed to be here. Why in the name of God’s green earth was he here?  
He attempted to get up to go see what in the hell Gavin wanted, but his head throbbed and his vision swam and the stabbing pain in his gut was too much. Leo toppled to the floor with an audible thud.  
“Alright, fucker, I know you’re in there.” The words were mean but there was a joking tone behind them. Leo was not in the mood. Anger overwhelmed him for a moment and he heaved himself to his feet, thumping down the stairs to give Gavin a piece of his mind. He undid the locks, threw open the door and opened his mouth to speak.  
“What the fuck are you doing here?”  
Gavin put a hand up. “Calm down there, bud. I’m not going to kill you.”  
“I don’t know that for sure.” Leo’s anxiety returned, but he was still seething. The red and purple hues dancing invisibly around Gavin’s head in his vision faded for a moment, luring him into a sense of security.  
“Wow. I’m hurt.” Gavin mocked, putting his hand over his heart. “Anyways, the plastic prick at work was talking about his friend, some other android, uh...Mark, or something. Said his friend knows you and that you’re not doing so hot. I came to see what was up.”  
“We’re not even friends, dude, I think I’ve met you maybe three times, and you’re just—”  
“My partner also berated me for two hours about how I should make social connections and start trying to be nice to people,” Gavin deadpanned. “Whole lot of crap, she knows I don’t like new people, so...you were pretty much my best shot.”  
“Are you getting paid to do this?” Leo’s blood boiled as Gavin thought about it and laughed to himself.  
“No, but you make a good point. I’d say any sort of social effort is worth a good twenty bucks, seeing as this is going out of my way to do something.”  
Leo deeply wished he could slam the door in Gavin’s face, but something held him back. He didn’t want to be alone with the guilt again.  
“You can come in.” He said begrudgingly, turning to move some of the grocery bags out of the way from where he had first dropped them coming in.  
“Thanks. I really appreciate it.” For once, the man really did seem sincere, but Leo wasn’t buying it.  
“Uh-huh.”  
“I can help you put those away.” Leo turned again and saw Gavin gesturing to the groceries.  
“Okay, who are you, and what the fuck did you do with the real Gavin Reed?”  
“Jeez, okay, I get it. Just think it’d be kind of awkward to watch you put all that stuff away. What am I gonna do, give you pointers on where to put shit?”  
Leo almost laughed at that, picturing Gavin shuffling uncomfortably from foot to foot as he put cereal boxes in the cupboard. “Sure, you can help.”  
Leo busied himself with the items that needed to be refrigerated. There weren’t many, just scattered things like soy sauce and raspberry jam. The bread went by the toaster, the dish soap by the sink, and then came the boxes—crackers, cereal, granola bars, ramen packages, etcetera, etcetera.  
“You eat like a college student,” Gavin remarked. “Where do these go?”  
“Highest shelf.” Leo answered. “And yeah, I do. It’s easier. Never really learned how to cook.”  
“Me neither.” Gavin handed two boxes of cereal and a box of fruit snacks to Leo, who stood on his tiptoes to just barely reach the shelf that the non-perishables went on.  
The other man snickered, and Leo asked him what he thought was so funny.  
One word: “Shorty.”  
Leo whipped around, ready to beat him with a box of Cheerios. “Say that again, fucker, I dare you.”  
Gavin burst out laughing and Leo felt a blush creep up his neck when he heard,  
“Oh, that’s cute. You think you could fight me and not get your ass handed to you.”  
“I can, and I will, with this very box.” Leo threw back. “And so what? You’re like two inches taller than me. What’s the difference?”  
“The difference is, I can do this.” Gavin rested his arm on top of Leo’s head, who swatted him away in frustration, turning back to the open cupboard to put the Cheerios away.  
“What the fuck…?” It was so soft he wasn’t sure Gavin had actually said it, but as he faced the brown-haired man standing in his kitchen, he knew something was wrong because of the look Gavin was giving him. Disturbed, agitated, and—  
Leo realized that his shirt was sticking to his torso, and followed Gavin’s gaze to where a small spot of blood had begun to seep through the cloth and was now spreading.  
“I-I...uh...I can explai—” before Leo could finish his sentence, Gavin was bent on one knee, rolling up the hem of his shirt.  
“Hey, no!” Leo felt blood streaking down his waist, but he smacked Gavin’s hands away and shoved his shirt back down. “The fuck you think you’re doing?”  
“Trying to see what in God’s name is making you bleed,” was his answer, and then he grabbed Leo’s arm and marched to the little hall off to the side, quickly locating the bathroom.  
He sat Leo down on the edge of the bathtub and began rifling through cabinets, looking for a first-aid kit, or something of the like. Leo stood up again and Gavin turned, took both shoulders and pushed him back down.  
The smaller man hugged himself tightly as Gavin knelt next to him once more with several bandages and some peroxide.  
“Let me see, Leo.”  
“No.”  
“Leo, I just want to help. You can’t walk around bleeding like this.”  
“No, fuck you, I can do it myself.”  
“Okay, then do it.” Gavin sat back and watched.  
“Go wait outside.”  
Gavin scowled, but went, muttering to himself all the way.  
As soon as he was gone, Leo made a bit of noise crackling packages, and silently put them back where they belonged, under the sink in the furthest reaches of the cabinet. For good measure, he waited some, and then opened the door. Gavin was right outside.  
“Alright, let’s see.”  
“What?”  
“Let’s see your bandages.”  
“No, you fucking creeper, I’m not lifting my shirt for—” He was cut off by the other man tugging his shirt up a few inches, just enough to see that the cuts were still fresh, uncleaned, and bleeding.  
“Back in you go.”  
Leo shouted at him as he was sat back down on the ledge of the tub, trying his damndest to make it hard for Gavin to gain access to his wounds.  
“I’m not a fucking child!”  
“Then stop acting like one!” The brown-haired man yelled back, and that shut Leo up for a short while. Gavin pinned his shirt up and swiped at the lacerations in Leo’s abdomen with peroxide, holding him back when he tried to make a move for the door. Eventually Leo gave up and sat in defeat as several feet of gauze were wrapped around him and taped in place.  
“I’m going to get you another shirt.” Gavin’s voice was uncharacteristically soft now. Leo would’ve looked him in the eyes and scoffed, had he not been on the verge of tears.  
“Upstairs and to the left.” Leo mumbled.  
Soon Gavin returned with a clean shirt and a sweatshirt, and he nearly dropped both those things when he saw Leo resting his hands on his stomach.  
“Don’t you fucking dare think about ripping those off.”  
The smaller man’s shoulders shuddered with a silent sob and he dropped his hands in his lap.  
“Here.” Gavin held out the clothes and helped Leo strip off his bloodsoaked t-shirt.  
There was a silence, a shuffling of clothes.  
“Why?”  
“Why what?” Gavin was a bit perplexed at the question.  
“Why do you care so much?” Leo asked.  
There was another long pause before Gavin spoke again.  
“Don’t punch me for saying this, okay? …You remind me of myself. Just… just a little bit.”  
Leo tucked his arms closer to his body. “Okay. I… I wondered.” Shame curled low in his belly and he sunk in on himself, hiding his face in his knees.  
“Can I ask you why? Why you cut, I mean. And don’t try to tell me you weren’t, I know what it looks like, trust me.”  
Avoiding the question, Leo asked, “What does it look like?”  
“Denial, aggression, lack of self care. I could go on, but I want to know why.”  
Leo took a deep breath in.  
“Take your time,” Gavin reassured him.  
“I just…”  
It was a long time before Leo could construct a clear sentence. Between deep breathing to stave off the anxiety and stopping to gulp down the burning lump in his throat, he managed to get out,  
“It’s a, a distraction, I guess. From everything. From wanting to go back to red ice, from the nervousness that follows me around, from wanting to die… it’s sick but it’s comforting. And it’s just another fucking thing I’ve gotten hooked on.” Leo tried so hard to ignore the tears welling up in his eyes, he really did.  
Suddenly there was a weight next to him, and he knew that Gavin had sat down with him.  
“I’m no good at comforting,” Gavin began in his quiet, rough voice, and Leo stilled.  
“I’m no good at comforting, but you know… I think you need a hug.”  
The weight of Gavin’s arm settled on his back and that was all the invitation he needed to turn and bury his face in his friend’s shoulder.  
“I’m sorry,” Leo mumbled, feeling shame flare like an angry blaze. He kept repeating it. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—”  
“Shut it, Leo, you don’t have a damn thing to apologize for.”  
Leo cried into Gavin’s shirt, always grasping for a better clutch, wanting to be held close and comforted forever. Gavin did his best, pulling Leo into his lap and holding him only as tightly as he dared, not wanting to put him in any more pain than he already was.  
“You don’t have to be sorry for anything,” He found himself whispering. “Nothing at all.”  
Finally Leo calmed down and began to breathe easily again. Gavin stood up with Leo still hugging him and noticed with a little laugh that his feet just barely touched the floor.  
“You really are short, huh,” he chuckled. Leo let go of him and crossed his arms over his chest.  
“Very funny.”  
“Oh, you totally are. Only short people get that angry about their height.”  
Leo scowled and looked at the ground.  
“But I think it’s cute.”  
“What?” Astonishment.  
“You heard me.”  
The rest of Leo’s evening was spent with Gavin by his side, making quips about nearly everything. And the best part? It wasn’t half bad. In fact, Leo would almost say he enjoyed it.  
Almost.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this little rare-pair thing I put together! As always, please leave a comment telling me what I can do better. I love you all and I'll see you on the next work!


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